While I haven't been blogging as much as I had been, I wanted to send a personal thought to the world.
I think the human body is beautiful. Even when I think a particular body is horribly abused and out of shape, somebody, even God, will love it. I know someone who has a nice body. I really care about this person. I discovered his pay webcam by accident. Yes, he has a great body. As much as I'd love to see that body in its entirety, I wouldn't pay for it. I have someone, but I still care about this person very much. It's OK with me if he does this. My only problem is that I hope he doesn't take it too seriously. Most of his clients will be men in their 40's, 50's... and they will all claim to own him while they're paying to watch him masturbate or do whatever he does. While I've broken away from this person, I'm still very much emotionally attached to him. If it weren't for David, and if I lived in another part of the country, I might have gotten closer to him. I don't want to see him get hurt. I'm protective of people like him. And there was a time when I gave my own private shows, but it led me deeper into the pit of substance abuse, and the outcome was nothing to brag about.
This person doesn't know I saw him, but someday I'd like to tell him. It might make me feel better having told him that I don't want him to get hurt. Besides, I don't think the pay is all that great.
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My time is still set to Bali's time. I will change it.
ReplyDeleteWhy not tell your friend now that you saw him, and then tell him your story? You learned so much from your mistakes; what a joy then to think that someone else might learn from them also.
ReplyDeleteIt's been about a month now since you got home from Bali. What are you doing with yourself -- hopefully, not yourself. LOL Do you know if you'll be retuning to Bali, and if so, when?
I turned 65 on Oct. 3 and am now officially an old man, part of the Medicare generation. I don't feel it, don't think I act it, and sure as hell hope I don't look it. I've adopted a new philosophy: "don't worry about old age -- it doesn't last long." LOL
Hope all goes well with you and David and that you'll Blog again soon.
Jerry
Unfortunately, I never got to tell my friend my story. He knows a lot of what went on, but we drifted apart. I am going to do something like that.
ReplyDeleteI was told that there is only one alternative to getting older, and I'm not ready for that. I don't even look at 65 as being old old. I met a man who is 76, and when he told me he was 76 I asked him if he was talking dog years...or what.
At present I'm planning on going back to Bali, but I plan to go back to school after I return. There is a lot I want to do, and I'm doing my best to do all that I can before I settle down into the world of nine to five.
Thanks for the comment and the suggestion.
Time set to PDT
ReplyDeleteI have been working a lot. For some reason life seems to be going at half speed lately, and I have begun to wonder if I'm depressed for some reason. I have had zero ambition since I got home, and I don't sleep at night, but I find myself lying down and sleeping two and sometimes three times a day. I have talked to David and even my family about it, and they are good about cheering me up, but my energy level is very low. Leave it to Mom to come up with the suggestion to go get a physical. That's probably not a bad idea.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm. I am going to assume that the person in question is a friend you know personally (against an online friend). It's surprising to me that any friend of yours would NOT know your past and what you went through. Michael, what he's doing is, at some level, a form of prostitution. You pay, he jerks, you jerk. I used to watch guys on webcam. They'd have this impromptu show where they'd undress and jerk off. Forgive me, but they cheapen their self-image. I remember your first blog entry in your MySpace when you lamented your past actions, saying something like, "I'll show you my dick for a dollar." You learned your lesson, but this guy has no physical contact with his audience.
ReplyDeleteI could go on endlessly, but listen to Jerry, above, who suggested sending him your story (if he doesn't know it). Please, don't make his actions your problem. He's an adult, or so I assume. I know you, and I know that if you could get your point across in the form of warnings to him, you would have. If not, he'll learn. I feel your frustration. In time you'll be able to speak your mind. Let's hope he listens.
As for the doctor's appointment, good idea. You sounded exhausted to me, but I thought that was residual from your trip. If it truly is depression, you've got a great support group. Plus, my brother is always here. If he's not, then I am.
OK. I'm done. I hope today is a good day for you. Give us a call sometime.
I have dealt with depression and all I can say is, it's depressing! After taking antidepressants for some time the doctor asked me what my goal was. I told him it was to be able to live without taking pills. He told me that that was the wrong answer. He told me that depression was caused by a chemical inbalance in the brain. If you have diabetes you take insulin. If it's flu season you get an immunization. If you have high cholesterol you take Lipitor. He claimed that if you have depression you take a pill to obtain a chemical balance in conjunction with finding the subjective cause of the problem - anxiety, love-life, job problems, etc, after having ruled out any physical causes.
ReplyDeleteALl of that is a long-winded way of saying don't delay in seeing a doctor.
Jerry