And now for something completely different.

One of my Myspace posts, originally posted on October 25, 2008.

And now for something completely different.

Current mood: nostalgic

"Nice meeting you, too."

I'll say nice! Oh my gosh! He's amazing! His eyes...his face...his hair...everything about him is perfect. I'm nervous. Why am I so nervous? This is my first day. I've done this before. I can't stop looking at him. He said he'd keep an eye on me. Caught again. He saw me checking him out. Damn it! Every time I look at him he turns to look at me. OK, Michael, calm down. CHILL!

Is it this busy every night? My vest. Is it OK? Yes. It's fine. My hair. Is it OK? Yes. It's fine. My shoes are polished. Laces tied. Fly closed. Good. This should be easy. This door's in. This door's out. It's time. Let the show begin.

"Here's your fork, sir. I do apologize for that."

Shove your fork. I don't care about forks. Oh...there he is again. Where was I? Oh. Right. Table 16. People waste too much food. Not my problem. Ughh! This one is heavy. To the dishwashers we go.

"Here ya go. Thanks dudes."

"¿Más platos? Gracias mi amigo. Le rompió el vidrio. ¿Quién es usted? ¿Cómo te llamas? ¿Tu madre te visten?"

"You're welcome."

That man. The signal. I'm coming, I'm coming.

"More water, sir?"

"Ma'am?"

No problem, ingrates. You look like shitty tippers, anyway. I'm only a slave around here.

Stop, Michael. Easy on the attitude. Oh look. There he is again. Did he just smile at me? Why do I melt every time I look at him? Why do I melt every time he looks at me? Going in......here he comes out. He smiled at me again. Easy Michael.

What's next? Refresh 19. No sweat. Fold. Shake. Flip. Smooth. Cheap ass place can't use clean tablecloths. A 1 forkie forkie, a 2 forkie forkie, a 3 forkie forkie, a 4 forkie forkie. I'm feeling so...so....so gay! A 1 salad salad, a 2 salad salad...

Did I just spill? That's right. Pour from the side, away from the patron, over the floor. Wipe the glass if needed. I know this. I can do it. Something isn't completely right tonight. What's wrong with me?

I think I have the hang of this now. I think I'm relaxed. I like being busy. It keeps my mind off...things.

Gasp! Here he comes again. He's talking to me. He's talking to me. To me!

"OK."

What did he say? I was looking at his mouth and his eyes but I don't know what he said. Oh no. Bite the bullet, Mikey, just ask him again.

Why's he laughing like that? He's cute when he laughs. Oh right. That's what he said. I'll turn this into a table for 8. Reservation for 9:00. I'm your man. I'll do it for you. I'll do anything for you. I'm like a lost sparrow and he's like a mighty eagle that will protect me. I feel so helpless around him. What's wrong with me?

Eye contact. Now I have a reason. I'm looking right into his eyes. He's, what, 30 feet away from me. He's taking a drink order from the couple that smells like moth balls. I'll just wander over there and fill their water glasses...again. Wait for him to finish. That's right. Now. He's looking at me. It's all business. I point to the table. He gives me thumbs up. He smiled at me. Did you see that smile? What next? I can do this. I know I can do this. What's wrong with me?

Fine. The bus boy never talks. I'll just pour water. What's this guy saying?

"Finally a bus boy who speaks English!"

I know that guy. He's on TV or something. I give him my Michael smile. That's enough. I hate to smile. Anybody got a joint? No, can't do that. Never again. Get a grip, Michael.

My hair! It's a mess! Quick, the brush. Who's pulling my hair down over my collar? Oh you. You're that funny woman. She's smiling at me and has her hand on my shoulder.

"Michael. Relax. You're doing fine, buddy."

Did she just look at that guy, and then back at me? Does she know what I'm thinking? Shit! Maybe he knows. Oh no! And now I'm giggling. I'm such a jerk when I giggle.

What a night. One more table left. I'm hurting. I'm all alone. There. Done. Out there by the dumpster. It's that funny woman and HIM. Aha! That's where they go to smoke. Sneaky devils, aren't they? I think I'll take out the garbage.

Why is she laughing at me? She keeps looking at me, and then at HIM. I wish I could be alone with him. I wish she would leave. What's this? She's leaving. Now it's just... It's just... Oh no. Now I have to talk. He's talking. What's he saying? I can't take my eyes off him. He's beautiful. Do you know how beautiful you are? Maybe someday I'll tell you. He put his hand on my shoulder. Leave it there. Never take it off. It's gentle. It's warm. It's strong. I feel so weak. I'm a baby. What's wrong with me?

Did he say "See you tomorrow"?

You bet you will. I'll see you tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow after that. The day is over. It was a busy night. I'm tired. My feet hurt. I managed to keep from dumping anything on anybody. I filled enough water glasses to fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool. I carried out enough dirty dishes to fill the kitchen. I'm glad he kept an eye on me. I wonder if he knows I kept an eye on him, too.

PRESS. Oh shit! Not the panic button. There goes my alarm. He's laughing at me again. I'm not the coolest thing he's ever seen. He's walking over to me. Nice handshake. How about a kiss? Only in your dreams, Michael. But check this out. We're talking. I'm listening. It's almost as if he knows I'm...no, couldn't be. And with a wave of the hand he drives off. But as he left...did he smile at me? Did he smile as if he meant it? Was it a "he likes me" kind of smile? My heart's racing. What's wrong with me?

I'm home. I'm tired. "My night? It was OK. Night, Mom."

In the darkness I think about him...his smile, his voice, his touch. I want him to touch me again. I want him to touch me all over. I want HIM. I'll lie here until I fall asleep. I'll think of him. I'll keep saying his name over and over in my mind until I go to sleep. Maybe I'll dream about him tonight. Maybe I'll dream about that amazing guy I met tonight. I think I'm going to like working there. I'm definitely going to like working with him. I'm tired. I'll hold my pillow as I wish I could hold him. I hope I dream about him. I hope to make him mine. Tonight I met the most amazing guy in the world, a beautiful, gentle guy...named David. What's wrong with me, anyway?